My journy down Destiny's way...

more that I'll never understand...

Tue, 06 Dec 2005 06:04:32 GMT

I'll never understand why some people have it out for me. You'd think with all the men that are jealous of me and hate me, that I'd be some sexy stud or some big smooth talker that can get any lady he wants. I wish that were the case, perhaps I wouldn't feel so lonely sometimes. It's strange though, how none of these men stop and think about what I do for them, or their relationships. Instead they blindly lead themselves on, convinced that I am the trouble, the cause of their pain. Not once do they stop to look in the mirror at themselves. Not once do they see the narrowness of the path they travel. Remember that saying, ignorance is bliss? Well it isn't true, at least for these guys. Because their ignorance will completely destroy all that they love, all that they fought for. These noble men have been tempted by greed; the shadow of jealousy. It is with a heavy heart that I must confess to advising their loved ones to stick together. Had I known that these intelligent men could behave so savagely I would not have done so. To the women with whom I am friends, I apologize for any ill tempers your men might bring to you about me. It is not my intention to incite a riot, I wish merely to help as most of you well know. Again, I apologize...

I'll never understand...

Tue, 06 Dec 2005 00:07:57 GMT

Did you know that before a psychologist can get their license they have to be psychoanalyzed? However, for a surgeon to be a surgeon he doesn't have to be cut first, or be operated on. Just kind of strikes ya as weird, doesn't it? Both are charged with our health and well being, yet only one is tested and analyzed in their fields to determine whether or not they are fit to treat us.

Aside from that, if any of you have the time to sit down and read Winter of our Discontent then I suggest you do so. It is a fairly good book and it depicts the true american road. Once you've read it, if you'd like to hear my thoughts on it's symbols and meanings, just drop me a line.

Take care y'all.

Just a breakdown of my vacation...

Sun, 27 Nov 2005 05:11:19 GMT

Evening everyone. I trust you all had a relaxing vacation. For the most part mine was good. I dd some repair work for Colortyme in Waterville, worked at Gamestop a little too. We had thanksgiving with Jarrod's family over at the house and it went fairly well. My mom and brother were actually on their good behavior, so kudo's to them for doing that. Friday night I went bowling with Jarrod and Chris from 9-12. It was pretty fun. I'm starting to get the hang of bowling actually, bowled a 130 on my last game. Not too bad for my 3rd time bowling. Today Jarrod and I watched Battlestar Galactica all day. We finished season 1 and the first 10 episodes in season 2. I'm pissed because the last episode we watched in season 2 is a "to be continued" and I want to know whats going to happen!! lol. Oh well.

So I've pretty much gotten used to the fact that there is nobody that wants to be with me around here. I mean, yes, there are a couple of people out there that would love to date me, but I dunno, I just don't feel for them that way. But no matter, as I mentioned before, I've grown accustomed to the fact that there isn't anyone here, so it's all good. I'll just finish my degree and build the business. I wont have time for a girl if I expect this business to get up and running within 3 years.

Anyway, take care y'all.

A little bit of knowledge goes a long way...

Sun, 13 Nov 2005 07:49:52 GMT

You know, it's sad when you stop and think about life. Young children dying left and right, women dying of aids in Africa, men dying in a war on terrorism. We are at a time in our global era that warrants devotion and sympathy for the masses. Yet here I am, thinking that I might place a little rant about how my life is unfair on this lj. How completely selfish of me to want more, or to be jealous. Selfish, inappropriate, childish; these are exactly the things that I don't want in a relationship and yet are exactly the things that I use to voice my concerns for my own well being. Irony at it's finest. But I digress, I want you all to take a look at this quote and post a reply as to whether you agree with it or disagree with it. It will be interesting to see how others view this. After a couple of days, if you haven't googled to see what movie the quote is from, I'll tell you.

****
Attachment leads to jealousy. The shadow of greed, that is.
Train yourself to let go of everything you fear to lose.
****

The hard truths...

Wed, 09 Nov 2005 04:08:11 GMT

Hello everyone, it's been quite some time since I've felt the need to write on lj. I seem to sort of flock toward writing when I being to feel stressed. Weird I know, I'm probably one of the most relaxed kids you ever saw in HS. "Homework, good grades? Man, I'll get to it eventually... Wheaton, let's go hit up some Halo action." Well, those days ended once my career at Thomas College started. You know, it's hard to have everything happen to your family and still maintain grades, but I've done it. But at what expense? Well, let's see if we can find out.

I suppose the first thing to look at is my professional life, my job. For those of you that don't yet know, my mother and I were accused of embezzling money from Friendly's. The story is fairly long, but the bottom line is that we didn't do it and they weren't about to accept that answer. 14 combined years of Restaurant Management experience was thrown away when we walked away from that restaurant. I am currently working at Gamestop in Waterville, but I took a $3 cut per hour and I am not getting nearly as many hours per week. Linda hasn't even had the luck I've had. She is still searching for a job. We've been gone from Friendly's for about a month now and I fear that before too long her and I will be unable to keep up with the bills. Bankruptcy is on the horizon, I can feel it.

At the time this came about, I was actually on my way out to Ohio with Jaymie's truck. I was lead to believe that things might work out between us. I spent hundreds of dollars and countless hours preparing to transfer to Lake Erie College to finish my degree. Upon arriving in Ohio with her truck I discovered that I had been mislead in the information given to me. She, in fact, did not want to make things work... but merely was homesick for her truck and a friend. Let me paint the scene for you all... Here I am, arriving at the college after driving 13 hours straight. I am exhausted and just want to relax at the hotel. I pull into the campus and go to park and I see Jaymie running at the truck, I assumed it was to give me a hug and say hello. I was wrong. She jumps in the truck and says I'm parking in the wrong parking lot, "alright, no biggie.. I'll just turn around." Within moments she is screaming at the top of her lungs. So I silently pull into the correct parking space and turn off the truck. She tosses my bag around and she tries to take her CD player's faceplate off, and upon failing to do so starts walking back to her dorm. once we get inside her room, she immediately leaves to see her friend Ryan who just got back from a soccer game. Almost 90 minutes later she returns, having left me in her dorm-room with her friend and her friends little brother. She tells me, mind you doesn't ask just tells, that we're headed to a party. Well here's a news flash, I don't want to go to the party!! I want to go to bed and watch TV, I am exhausted. Disrespectfully she gets upset that I wouldn't go. She finally gives up and we head back to the hotel and we attempt to make up. She continues to disrespect me and toss me around as if I'm some kind of dog toy all evening until finally I can't take it anymore and I say something. Well, she gets pissed that I would say something to her and she leaves me there at the hotel. 30 miles from Cleveland where I have to catch my bus back home to Maine. To top it off, I am without money. I took 4 days off from work to make this special trip to bring her truck to her and she was to pay for my gas so that I could get home. With no money, I couldn't get any food or a cab to catch my bus. And she wouldn't answer her cell phone (which btw is in my name because I was a fucking moron and let her walk on me again) I was forced to call home to see what they could do. With no business outside of Cleveland allowing for a money transfer and the fact that it was a weekend, I had no way of getting money to get home or a cab to the airport/bus station. Lenny and my Grandmother were forced to come get me. Anyway, enough about her... the bottom line is that Jaymie and her mother (I didn't tell you about that part, but if you want to know just ask) both behaved irrationally. Their actions and words were childish and deceitful. These people aught to be ashamed of themselves, sadly they won't be. For whatever god forsaken reason they have it in their heads that it is I who is fucked up, and in fact have requested that I never speak to them again. News flash Jaymie and Julie, I don't want to speak to either of you. You've both severely lowered my admiration for the human race, your actions are unforgivable. The only contact I shall have is once a month I expect a check in the mail for the amount of Jaymie's cell phone bill. Should that check not come even one time, I will pull the plug on the contract and the phone. It is entirely mine by all rights and laws.

Once again, while these events unfolded, on the morning of October 26th my basement flooded with water from the cresting nearby brook. The road had been washed away and was closed for several days. As a result I was unable to make it out of the state and to New Hampshire for my court date. I was fined in accordance of the law because of this. There are other things as well, my brother is becoming increasingly irrational and irresponsible. My mother is not taking any course of action to prevent this.

Most important to me though, is that the people I care for don't necessarily want to be with me. You know who you are, and don't take this the wrong way. I respect your decisions and admire your honesty. With that said, I think the hardest truth of all to learn... is that no matter what you feel for someone, if they don't feel the same for you than you are better off "being alone" so-to-speak.

I am sure that the above 'rant' is not coherent in the least, but it was good to write again. I thank any of you that can stand to read through the entire thing. Take care everyone.

Sun, 09 Oct 2005 02:49:53 GMT

Ok... so what I'm saying is this... when I first arrived I got yelled at. Then I got left in the room while she 'visited' a friend and now I am left alone again while she brings some ppl down to Taco Bell. And then there's a mention of a party later... but I dont want to go. Ive been cramped up in a truck cab for the past 12 hours so that she'd have her truck out there, not to mention the loss of 30+ hrs of work and the money that it would have produced. I feel like I'm being shit on yet again... and I'm starting to wonder, why do I allow this to happen? I can stop this at anytime, I have the power to end it all, but I dont. And I dont know why. I hate it. But whatever, right now I just want to fucking get some rest, 12 hrs driving with only 4 hrs of sleep... all for her to ditch me like this, and most likely ditch me for the whole evening... bah, whatever. *puts on happy face* Might as well at least appear to be happy for her... ttyl everyone.

Ohio...

Sun, 09 Oct 2005 02:43:10 GMT

Well, I made it here in one piece. Yup, the truck is running fine. :) Too bad though, I kind of wish now that it wasn't running because it's just taking away from everything. I mean, there arent a lot of things going on right now and then there's this pesky little problem that .... well, she's not here. lol. Well, I'll tell you all about it later. ttyl

The timing, and tomorrow...

Sun, 28 Aug 2005 23:00:49 GMT

Seeing as tomorrow starts my second, and thus far determined last year at Thomas, I decided that it was time for a short update to my journal. Now, where to start? First off I'd like to remind everyone that my parents are getting a divorce. It is a very trying time on both of them, however I would like you all to know that I will not be speaking to my father for a very long time to come. In case you would like to know the reason behind this turn of events, you can ask me for details. For those of you that don't need a lot of details, all that needs to be said is he attacked my mother and I and I had to do what was necessary to protect my family.

Ive recently acquired quite a bit of merchandise because of my shopping habits, but with the start of this school semester I hope to curb that habit and pay off the bills.

I'll also be taking five days off from work and school to take a very special lady out to her college in Ohio. I want to extend my sincerest hopes and desires for you, Jaymie, may your every dream come true out in Ohio and may you come back someday to tell me all about it. :)

I suppose that's it for now, I wish you all the best of luck in all your endeavors and I'll see you all soon!

A small sneek peak...

Tue, 09 Aug 2005 02:33:06 GMT

Below is the very first draft of my latest entry into my novels... prod, poke and otherwise destroy it all you want it will be the only sneak peak you ever get. Take care all you nosy buggers.. :-p

************************************

The phone conversation started as all others do; the pleasantries. Once through the basics both Robert and Trisha smiled silently. Trisha's was warm and radiant, her lips stretching to reveal her snowy white teeth. Robert's was narrow but overflowing with feeling, his face giving way to no mirror of his inner feelings. Neither of them knew the other was smiling at the sounds of their voices, but somehow it seemed to fit.

Trisha started in, "So what was it you needed to talk to me about?"

"Oh, yes... about our gathering, there has been a slight change in the guest list..." Robert said as his narrow smile was erased from his face and replaced with a frown.

For whatever reason the frown fit so perfectly onto Robert's face that it was hard to notice a difference from his usual appearance. He knew Trisha would be upset, he hoped beyond all doubt that she would understand. The tone in Trisha's voice turned drastically dark, the heavenly air and sweetness that were present moments ago were now furthest from her mind.

"Oh great, just great. Why does everyone have to hate me? And no one trusts me anymore; like I can't make up my own mind. He's my friend and I .... oh, never mind." Trisha muttered in response to Robert's news.

Robert immediately reacted defensively of Trisha's feelings. He told her once again that because they were no longer dating did not mean that he cared any less for her. It hurt him to hear the tone in her voice over the subject and he knew he could help if only the subject would fully arise into the conversation. He asked.

"Trish', what is it? What's on your mind?"

"Nothing. It's nothing." Trisha replied, a slight agitation apparent in her voice.

"C'mon Trish', we're supposed to be friends here. This is what we do, we talk to each other." Robert pleaded. He needed a way to open Trisha up, he needed her to trust him; but he knew that was impossible because of the past relationship and her inherited stubbornness.

"It's nothing Robert. Drop it! Wait, what time is it? Oh... I'm going, goodbye." Trisha uttered. You could plainly hear the contempt she now held for something in her voice. The anger and fear, either at herself or at Robert, one could not tell.

"Okay Trisha... Okay. We're friends though and you know you can confide in me. I'll talk to you later." And with that Robert hung up the phone. His frown still very much attached to his face. He rested the phone over his heart, where he felt the most pain at the moment.

Helping Trisha has always caused him considerable pain. It was his undying love for her that made him that way. It was also his undying love for her that drove her away. For the next half hour as he stared into space he held the phone next to his heart. The last thing that gave him contact to his true love, and the only contact he'll have with her for a long time once she leaves for college. A lone tear trickles down his face as he rolls over in his bed and falls asleep. Hoping beyond doubt that one day he'll be able to marry that girl, but knowing it would probably never happen.

Turning the tide...

Sat, 06 Aug 2005 00:57:46 GMT

Here I am, sitting at the end of another day with a feeling of mild euphoria. Why that feeling, you ask? I do not know. There are a great many things I do not know and this just happens to be one of them. Perhaps it's the knowledge that my three best friends have people in their lives that love them. Maybe it's that I know no matter what happens now, that I will always be best friends with three people whom I will do anything for. (As is apparent with the acknowledgment of the dog sitting beside me as I type this :)) Perhaps it's because I'm proud of what I do for my family.

Regardless of what it is however, I am happy and content with the way I live my life. I welcome you all to the Osgood's and let the good times roll!

quickie....

Thu, 14 Jul 2005 12:17:09 GMT

Good morning everyone. It's another beautiful day outside and there is plenty of songs in the air. Speaking of songs, yesterday I received my package of sheet music which I ordered on-line and I spent several hours last night playing my saxophone and learning how to play on my grandmothers organ. It was a blast. I'd forgotten what it feels like to play a musical instrument; the freedom that they permit us. :-D

Anyway, today I'm headed out to look for a new car. I would love to get something sporty like a Mustang, perhaps if I did that we could even vote it in as the Possy's official car? However, I have to finance this car so I am a little worried as to whether or not they even attempt to work with me. Only time will tell though, so wish me luck!

I am also thinking about getting a new tv. In fact my plan is to perhaps use the cash back money that I can get for my new car to buy one. I have to really look into some things because I think my Frat. gets discounts on cars and I know that TC gets $500 off a new vehicle purchase anywhere in the State of Maine.

Alright, well I am off for now.. catch you all later.

Tomorrow's another day...

Tue, 12 Jul 2005 04:33:25 GMT

Just got back from hanging with some friends. We went out to see Fantastic Four. Not too bad of a movie, a little on the short side and slightly more story line than there had to be; but as we all said, we've seen worse. I parted ways with the splitting groups after the movie because my bro is coming home this morning and I'd rather be sober than hungover when he gets here. Speaking of that, we're having a small get together for him Tuesday evening, the 12th. Which I suppose if you want to be technical, is this evening... but yeah, if you'd like to swing by and say hello you are more than welcome to.

I am attempting to acquire a Piano because I have this incredible urge to learn how to play. I know what you're thinking too; "you have a saxophone Kaleb, practice that." But here's the thing, I've reached the limits that my student model saxophone will allow me to go, and without the additional $3-4k for the proper saxophone to further my musical talent in that field, it's pointless to continue. So Piano here I come!

On a personal note I have recently acquired knowledge that my insecurities/nervousness are all gone. I suppose this is a good thing, but it's sort of weird not feeling uncomfortable around the opposite sex. I guess it's just another step in growing up.

Anyways, I am done talking about myself for now... if there are things you'd like to point out about me feel free to do so as long as it is done respectfully. Take care all.

When the past becomes a scar...

Sat, 09 Jul 2005 06:37:03 GMT

So I had fun tonight. I've had fun recently actually, or perhaps I've just noticed it more because I've been hanging out with a really good friend of mine, Jaymie. Which while we are on the topic I want to let you all know that I don't want to hear anymore BS about how the two of us shouldn't hang out. Bottom line: I dont want to hear it again.

Now... last night there was a small gathering at my house courtesy of Mr. Pooler. Everything was great, even the foam insulation was funny. Sorry goes out to Megan who I think took it upon herself to help me clean it. It was a good thing to do, she's a good friend. Oh, and I guess I tried to change the outside light...? I don't really remember. lol. But yeah, you're all welcome out here again for some beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeer anytime :-D Just no more foam plz, it's a bitch to get off. lol.

An evening to forget....

Sat, 02 Jul 2005 03:05:21 GMT

Another night finished. Can't say as I'm sad to say it though. It's been one of those night's again. I'd rather not get into it, but I know that some of you are going to ask so I'll just give you the basics. It was my fault, I let my love for someone cloud my conscience, and broke the barrier I said she'd never breach again. It's okay though, I'll just build a new one and still be friends. :)

I'm not sure if I said this before but I figure you all should know that I've decided not to date anymore. True love comes but once in a lifetime. We'll just leave it at that.

I guess I'll talk to you all laters I need to go get some fresh air so I think im gonna take a walk.

The art of me...

Fri, 01 Jul 2005 16:58:19 GMT

Yeah. So I'm currently on day three off from work, it's the longest stretch of time off I've had in awhile now. It's been full of good times, for the most part. I've discovered that I can cook so look out, my mind is now working on overtime coming up with some delicious recipes that I will have you all try out as I cook them.

For whatever reason I have had the urge lately to listen to country songs and old skool sad songs. I have no idea why this is because right now I am happier than I have been in a long time. Ah well, I suppose I will enjoy it while I can.

I'm still debating where I would like to move to. As I mentioned before, my mother requested her own restaurant to run and would like me to become her Assistant Manager, however, I am not sure that it is something that I will end up doing. I have been giving Springfield, Mass. a good look recently. There is a job already lined up for me down there where I would make $65,000 salary my first year. I've thought about other places as well, I love Wolfeboro, NH and I have some connections down there from my earlier years who are willing to hire me, I don't know what the pay would be though.

My novels took a great leap forward during the past couple of days. At last count I had added a combined total of 47 pages. I really would like to see them published, but I doubt they are good enough. Anyway, I'm off to twiddle my thumbs, I'll catch you all laters.

The Osgood's love you all.

sigh....

Wed, 29 Jun 2005 02:55:53 GMT

It has come to my attention recently that many of you believe me to be "unfit" or not mentally stable. Many of you also believe that I am foolish in my endeavors to be friends to all and to help others in need. For those of you that think this, do not consider yourselves my friend any longer. I will not stand and fight for myself, nor will I fight to protect you. Walk all over me, treat me like shit for all I care. I am done with being false friends, I am done with being nice because nice doesn't seem to be paying off for me.

Those of you that consider me stable and consider me a friend are more than welcome to talk to me at any time of the day or night as I am always willing to help. :)

I guess that's it for now.

To wish upon a star...

Mon, 27 Jun 2005 05:09:39 GMT

Interesting to think that wishing for something to happen makes it more likely to happen, isn't it? Statistics show that 83% of Americans wish for things to happen in some form or another. Why? It doesn't get you anywhere. Take that faith in a wish and place it somewhere where it can do some good. Place it as trust in a good friend, or trust in the natural justice of the world.

Speaking of natural justice; does it exist? I think so. I've seen things come true that I have predicted, and as such I believe that my future predictions will also come true. If this is the case then there is no doubt, in my mind, that natural justice exists. Besides, what better way for someone who needs to learn a lesson than to learn it naturally.

Anyway, enough of me lecturing for awhile. I've done too much recently and it makes no sense because I can't force any of you to learn, nor can I teach you. The lessons I want you to learn can only be learned if you want to learn them. Which is in itself ironic because this also classifies as a lesson. See the circle to which I am condemned? Righto... thanks to all of you that came out to hang tonight, I had a good time and you are all welcome back at any time, day or night. And for the love of god will some of you take some damn pride in who you call friends and give me a call once and awhile? You wonder why I sit alone and do nothing ... and yet you never ask me to do anything. Irony at its finest.

A battle for the old way...

Sat, 25 Jun 2005 01:25:38 GMT

Well, I just finished watching Assault on Precinct 13 with the company of the wonderful dogs Luke and Sky. Odd, I know, to be watching movies with pets and ever more odd to be mentioning it in any generalized form of public speak. However, it is my wish to make it known that I not only care for my friends and family, but for their pets and the other creatures that we share our world with. That said, I'd like to take a moment to bring your attention back to the movie I just watched.

First off, great movie. Always nice to see a movie where the actors actually fit their roles. I did, however, happen on to several levels of the movie that some of you might not have seen. A recorded six times, do they refer to Greek terms for love. Those of you unfamiliar with the Greek love words, here is a list of the most common ones: Eros, Philia, Agape, and Storge. Where am I going with this? That's a good question. I realize that the levels to which these words and their meanings affect you will vary depending on the level of compassion and empathy that you have. That said, I feel it is better then, to explain the meanings of these words and allow you to explore their higher callings on your own. Let us begin.

Eros: Eros is the Greek word for Romantic love. Otherwise known as sexual love. The term Erotic is derived from Eros. However, Eros is not only a word for love. Originally Eros was a god. Responsible for lust, love, and sex. Many confuse him with the Roman equivalent, Cupid. Eros embodied not only the force of erotic love, but also the creative urge of ever-flowing nature, the first-born Light that is responsible for the coming into being and ordering of all things in the cosmos. Intriguing? Find out more...

Philia: Philia is the Greek word for obsession. More specifically it is referred to as love or obsession to a particular object or thing. In recent times we have created the suffix -philia which is an antonym for -phobia. Throughout the Greek empires reign the word Philia was used to refer to "friendship" and "brotherly bonding" or affection.

Agape: Agape is the Greek word for divine, unconditional love. Greek philosophers at the time of Plato used it in a way that suggested a universal, as opposed to a personal, love; this could mean love of truth, or love of humanity. The term was used by the early Christians to refer to the special love for God and God's love for man, as well as the self-sacrificing love they believed all should have for each other. In several cases throughout history the word Agape has been used in conjunction with "feasts" and "suppers" in remembrance of God.

Storge: Storge is the Greek word for Parental affection. The instinctive bond between mother and her young. Little is heard about this word throughout history, although recently a glimpse of it could be seen in a rumor of the upcoming sixth book in the Harry Potter series. Don't worry however, the rumor was dispelled and the actual title for book six is Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince.

There you are, the definitions of the Greek words for love. Take some time to sit back and enjoy a relaxing thought on how these words came into play and how, possibly, could I have noticed variations of them in the movie Assault on Precinct 13. Take care all. The Osgood's love you.

A changing of tides....

Wed, 22 Jun 2005 03:12:10 GMT

It is the end of another day. The sun released it's vibrant rays down upon our mangled heads and tiny beads of hope rose to it's call. It is a shame that a day like this be wasted and I intend to put an end to it. I have started a schedule to which I will adhere. I will run three miles everyday and I will also tone and shape my stomach and abs. I am now entering phase two of the new "Kaleb." Phase one was losing the excess weight which I can officially say that I have done fairly well. Current body weight is 162 lbs, body weight six months ago was 210 lbs. A grand total of 58 lbs I have shaved off my body :-D Of course, physical fitness is not the only thing that I have been doing. As many of you have noticed, I am also attempting to broaden my mental capacity. I feel that both these things are necessary if I am to maintain and improve upon my GPA.

With my personal stuff aside, I would like to take a moment to talk about some matters which seem to be surfacing more frequently in conversations with me. Many of you come to me for advice or to vent and you all know that I will bend over backwards for each and every one of you and make sure that you are happy. However some observers are starting to state that I am preaching you, or that I think what I say is solid law. This is not the case at all. In fact, half of what I say to you is not even my original work, I merely borrow it when it fits the purposes that you all have laid out for me. If you believe that what I say is law, or if you believe that I am attempting to corrupt or pass on to others that come to me that I fully know what I am talking about then I am sorry. I don't know everything and I don't pretend to either. I let everyone of the people I talk to that I don't know everything and that what I say is merely my thoughts and views on the matters at hand. Really, I think I allow the people to open their minds and think on deeper or larger scales so that they can find the real answers to their questions inside themselves. The first step to answering your inner questions is to feed your mind and soul, so here is an excellent quote by Marianne Williamson:

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

I ask all of my readers out there to post their thoughts on this quote. Keep these questions in mind; Is this true? Is God part of us all? Do you need to believe in God for this quote to be true?

Take care everyone,

A trailer park view of a 100 acre estate....

Mon, 20 Jun 2005 02:35:30 GMT

Another day gone by without too much trouble. I am training on the grill at work so that I can grab some more hours and make some more $$. :) I cooked a $1400 breakfast this morning without too much trouble so I think I'm doing fairly well.

Yesterday was Jaymie's birthday and I'd like to officially wish her a Happy belated Birthday on my Live Journal. Congratulations! As some of you know, I still love Jaymie right to death and will always love her, but I can't keep moping around either. I've taken it upon myself to step off of my depression pills. A gradual, week long progression of the step off is now in effect and I am pleased to announce that it is going well. I hope one day we are able to resume our friendship and be on even ground as far as situations. (That's something that only Jaymie will fully understand.)

Also, mom and I have gone to Todd requesting our own restaurant in the Friendly's Corporation. She will become the General Manager and I will become her Assistant Manager. Both positions hold hefty raises and perks so wish us luck. There is a slight issue with this assignment however. The store that we get has to be within traveling distance of Thomas College if I am to become the Assistant Manager. If worst comes to worst though, I will have mom take the position wherever she can get it and I'll just figure out what to do after.

Progression on my novels is coming along fairly fast recently. There is no use asking to read any of it though, because I am bound and determined not to show anyone until they are completely finished.

Anyway, I am going to go lay on my bed and stare at the ceiling for a bit and just think about the meaning of life. I would love for each and every one of you that reads my journal to start posting questions that you think about so that we might start up a discussion about them. :-D

Take care all, The Osgood's love you!

A laydown of the law...

Sat, 18 Jun 2005 21:22:52 GMT

As I am sure some of you saw, my previous post on my lj has come under fire by our "Anonymous" friend. I feel it's best if I set forth some simple rules to follow when viewing and replying on my lj so as to prevent any further misunderstandings.

First off, this is my journal; not yours, not your sisters, or even your mothers, this is my journal. It is a place where I can let go of reality's tortures for awhile and freely voice what is on my mind. The fact that you can view my journal is a privilege not a right. I would ask that you all respect that instead of blatantly attacking my thoughts and views as our previous friend has done. I am not saying you have to agree with my thoughts and views, but merely saying that you need to remain respectful and caring to another persons life. Mainly because you become hypocritical of your own lives and will vastly be viewed as the aggressor.

Secondly; think very clearly before writing a reply to one of my entries and analyze every aspect and higher meaning that I might try to add. It's a sad fate when you succumb to looking like an ass because you've missed one simple word which changes the entire meaning of what I said. It's even sadder that I will not come to your rescue and attempt to correct you or place blame upon myself for any actions driven by anger or hatred.

Lastly; I mean no disrespect or harm to anyone. I do not place blame on people or show anger about them or their situations unless I am justified. To which end I will justify to you. So do not assume that I am out to personally attack you, or get revenge, or any sort of immature and childish acts that can all be summed up as "Superficial attempts at mental stability" and in reality are attempts to heighten your own self esteem by attacking someone else's.

If you cannot abide by these simple rules that I would ask that you please not reply to my posts and if they continue to well anger and resentment in you then stop reading them all together. This is the land of opportunity and this is my opportunity to express myself, respect my views and me as a person or you don't deserve my respect in return.

Splinters from a minds eye....

Fri, 17 Jun 2005 01:51:52 GMT

Another lonely night here at the Osgood's house. It's just my mother and myself here now and the quietness that penetrates these walls now is, to say the least, unnerving. It's been many moons since last I heard an unpleasant plea bellowed down the hallowed stairs; is this what I've fought for? In a sense I guess this is exactly what I've fought for. I know have the freedom to think, to ponder questions and thought paths that take my into an entirely new plane of existence.

For instance, beauty. How do you talk to the person that you love? How does one really express themselves to you without looking like a complete wacko. Let me explain. I've only met one girl in my entire life that I have been at a loss of words when I speak to her. Her beauty is so intoxicating, her aroma so vibrant, that starring into her eyes and trying not to blink is the only thing that seems to make sense. The only problem is, that starring, calling, basically being infatuated with the person usually comes off to strong and you end up on the sidewalk wondering why God hates you so much. You end up so confused over everything that the only way you think you can be happy is to evaporate. To be relieved of the responsibility of love. You have so many thoughts running through your head, the only one that seems to make any sense is "I need to be free!" and suddenly in a flash of light you realize what you know. And all I can say is this; It's not the worst feeling to find out what love really is.

Welcome to a higher plane of existence those of you that read this and fully understand.

The truth is out there....

Mon, 13 Jun 2005 22:14:35 GMT

Heh.. catchy phrase for a title isn't it? Too bad it's copyrighted... :-p Anyway, here I am 6pm on a Monday evening and I'm wondering where the hell my friends are. Oh wait, that's right... I know exactly where they are. Some are hanging out with their friends to which I was not invited, others are working to pay off the bills, and still others can't talk to me because of strange forces of nature. Where does that leave Kaleb? Home again, doing nothing and wishing he was someplace else. At least if I was out of state, or the Country I'd have an excuse to call some people and ask what's going on. Of course I don't get that luxury do I...... Oh well, no use dwelling on this shit because it's been the same damn game my entire life. Those of you that enter it know what the fuck I'm talking about. Most of you play the damn game to begin with, while the rest of you are too damn ignorant or snobbish to realize the intricacies of life to which you so desperately cleave. For shame on you all for not taking the time to look at the points in your lives which need to be looked at; and more so to the fact that only less than 30% of you actually are bold enough to take on the social and political issues in which you linger. Most of you instead, turn tail and run away. Cowering in a corner for several weeks until your pathetic psyche can muster the strength to repress primary emotions.

Do not fear your selves however, instead fear the social and political systems in which we govern. Now if you'll excuse me, I must go contemplate why some of you, despite gruesome lessons, still cling to such disparate and primitive emotional systems. Good day.

here we go again...

Mon, 06 Jun 2005 23:14:19 GMT

Interesting how time goes by. More over, how life plays out. You know they say that with every decision and situation you're placed in, a hint of fate falls from the heavens and lands in your world. So it is then appropriate to assume that fate is both good and bad. Perhaps this is where the saying "you can't have the good without the bad" comes from? Regardless; I disagree. Was it fate that brought me into this world; no. Is it fate that will take me out; I hope not. Even more, is it fate that placed me in the situation I am in; no way. There is only one person that could have even come close to placing me where I am today, and yes... it's me. You see, fate is not for everyone. Nor is it likely that by sitting back and "letting things just happen" that anyone on this earth will come to a complete understanding of happiness. Why is that, you ask? Because they are missing the fight. The spoils are only as rich as the situation in which you achieved them. Interesting thought, and it brings to light another semi connected topic.

Relationships. Specifically, love. Where and when are they appropriate? To what extent do you open up to your love? Is there a person that is "meant to be?" I don't know for certain, but I do know of a small thought that came to mind the other evening as I was sitting on my bed writing more in my novels. That thought that each relationship is like a fantasy book. Where you have this overwhelming "Hero's Trial" in which you--the main character--has to overcome and change. Although sometimes tragic, 99% of these books end with a more complete, better person; yourself. Each relationship we have brings us to a more complete, perfect version of ourselves and we should all take a moment to thank our Ex-girlfriends/Ex-boyfriends for bringing us this far.

Anyway, I must bid you all farewell for now. I must make sure that the house stays in prestine condition whilst mom is away tending to her mother's funeral. I'm working 46 hours this week so stop by the restaurant between 8-5 anyday and chances are you'll see me :)

Aint no good...

Sat, 04 Jun 2005 23:26:27 GMT

People just ain't no good
I think that's welll understood
You can see it everywhere you look
People just ain't no good

We were married under cherry trees
Under blossom we made pour vows
All the blossoms come sailing down
Through the streets and through the playgrounds

The sun would stream on the sheets
Awoken by the morning bird
We'd buy the Sunday newspapers
And never read a single word

People they ain't no good
People they ain't no good
People they ain't no good

Seasons came, Seasons went
The winter stripped the blossoms bare
A different tree now lines the streets
Shaking its fists in the air
The winter slammed us like a fist
The windows rattling in the gales
To which she drew the curtains
Made out of her wedding veils

People they ain't no good
People they ain't no good
People they ain't no good at all

To our love send a dozen white lilies
To our love send a coffin of wood
To our love let all the pink-eyed pigeons coo
That people they just ain't no good
To our love send back all the letters
To our love a valentine of blood
To our love let all the jilted lovers cry
That people they just ain't no good

It ain't that in their hearts they're bad
They can comfort you, some even try
They nurse you when you're ill of health
They bury you when you go and die
It ain't that in their hearts they're bad
They'd stick by you if they could
But that's just bullshit
People just ain't no good

People they ain't no good
People they ain't no good
People they ain't no good
People they ain't no good at all